H1N1 Party Ideas

Recently, Glen Beck told listeners on his Sept. 29th Fox News show that instead of getting the government recommended H1N1 flu shots, he preferred the idea of swine flu parties, where party goers could swap bugs, munch finger foods, and have a good ole time getting sick. Like a wild 1970s key-swap party, the night would presumably involve lots of new exchanges that would send party goers straight to bed.

While many are calling Mr. Beck a crazy conspiracy theorist nut because, as his logic goes, the government cannot be trusted, so "do the opposite," I think he may be onto something. Frankly, I'd like to be the first to publish a lush, photo-rich cookbook/manners guide on how to throw a flu party for the rightwing nut. The potential host (in more ways than one) needs to know what the etiquette of a flu party entails. Where to go? What to do? What to cook? How can one get the most bug for the buck?

Here are some preliminary ideas on the subject:

• Have lots of chips to munch on and many, many bowls of dip. Guests should be welcomed to double, even triple dip. Please, no veggies or fruits, as they may somehow benefit the immune system.
• Sneezing on food is welcomed.

• Shake lots of hands, rub eyes, nose, and lips frequently.
• Remove soap from the bathroom/kitchen.
• At given intervals, the host can tap a glass and everyone will then swap eating utensils, drinks, and napkins.
• Instead of games such as bobbing for apples, guests can lick door handles.
• Guests should touch as much of the food as possible before selecting the right cookie, pastry, or chip.

• Stress guests out with doomsday Obama conspiracy theories to hammer away at that pesky immune system. Suggest that ACORN is a shadow government.
• Appropriate party favors include Thera Flu packets and used tissues of H1N1 sufferers for further and maximum exposure.
• Instead of dipping rims of margaritas in water, use spit of the infected. It's not only festive, but rather culturally appropriate considering that the first major outbreak was in Mexico! Pinatas with infectious materials inside could be worth serious consideration.